(There shall be crying and gnashing of teeth until I get my Mathare Ticket back)
Political zoning in Azimio La Umoja has intensified over the weekend. Rumor has it that Bahati may lose his Jubilee MP ticket. Upon hearing this, Bahati hired a group of professional mourners to ensure he retains his nomination ticket.
"The strategy worked last time," Bahati told a close confidant. "This time, we shall go big or go home."
According to Bahati, Kenyans love a good cry. "The more the tears, the more sympathy they accord." He was heard saying.
Bahati then invited the mourners to his house, where his wife Diana proceeded to coach them.
"So Baha, kwa press conference make sure unaongea polepole na ukue na huzuni. Ivo ndo machozi itakam virahisi. Then I'll play some sad background music ndo utaanza kulia. Make sure you cry loudly," Diana advised.
"At this point, one of you will come in with a white handkerchief and console him." She directed. "Make sure it's white."
"So when do we get to cry?" asked one of the mourners.
"Ooh my God. Guys, it's not about you. It's my baby's time to shine." She retorted to a visibly confused group of professional mourners.
"Also, babe, you can say that you were sexually harassed for extra sympathy."