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Woman Healed after Touching Ruto

(“Let the hustlers come to me”. The DP declared)

While on the campaign trail, the DP held a mini-rally at a local town center where he spoke to the hustlers. As he gave his usual electrifying sermons about the deep state, vitendawili and utapeli, the crowd got riled up and started chanting praises for the DP. A woman in the crowd gathered up enough courage and pushed against the crowd.

“’If only I touch his cloth, then I shall be healed.’ That is what I told myself as I pushed towards him.” The woman told reporters. Unnoticed by the bodyguards, she climbed the DP’s car and touched his shoulder. In the blink of an eye, she was restrained by the DP’s guards.

“Leave her!” the DP shouted. “Let the hustlers come to me. Do not restrain them. For such is the future of Kenya.”

The DP then gifted the woman a wheelbarrow.

“Go forth and hustle.” DP Ruto said.

“I am so happy right now. I have finally been cured of my joblessness and brokenness.” the young woman told reporters as she showed off her heavily branded wheelbarrow with the slogan Kazi ni Kazi.

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